A very good friend of mine told me this story recently. While waiting outside the office of our family pediatrician, I couldn’t help but overhear a conversation between a father and his son. “It’s almost Christmas,” the little boy said, ‘Did you buy presents for everyone?’’ The father laughed, ‘’Yes. I bought for your mom, for you and all your cousins and relatives already.’’ What about Abiodun?’’ the boy asked, referring to his Nanny. Surprised, the father said, “Oh, we don’t need to get Abiodun a gift. We pay her very well to take care of you. It is her job.” After pausing for some thought, his son then asked, “Does that mean giving her money is enough to say thank you?” “It was at this point that the father bent to look his child straight in the eye. ‘’No. you are right, it’s not enough.
Let’s do something nice for her to show her we appreciate everything she’s done for us.’’ Quite often we forget to express our gratitude to those who live up to our expectations – our nanny, security person or mai guard, the househelp and other domestic persons. We even bully them and treat them as nobodies. This journey called life has two sides always. Children often know how to put parents on the hot spots with a lot of questions – sometimes a really embarrassing questions that you will battle to escape. In the family, children can be advocates, watchdogs and reporters, prayer warriors, serial liars or dad’s or mom’s favourite (which is not really recommended at home). Do not make any of your children the favorite. Some years back my little 8-year old boy has asked me to explain to him how babies are made and how do they come out of the womb! It was a great battle but I pulled through. I know you are smiling now!
Recently a young boy of 10, has not allowed his father to rest. Reason? The boy wants the father to tell him where his mother is? The dad had told the boy that his mother has travelled and will soon be back! ‘But what is mom doing there, all these while?’’ the boy will ask every now and then. The father told me that he has exhausted all the excuses in his memory. How would he tell his 10 year that his mother has abandoned him and followed another man? It was hard time that separated the husband and wife. My friend told me that when their family finances started to take a bad shape, the wife started misbehaving with all kinds of insinuations and mental suggestions. He had told her that he will not do evil so that good can come out of it; that they have to manage the little that they can get. The woman was adamant and thought she could not bear the hardship any longer and left her matrimonial home abandoning three children to the man.
She has begged the woman to come back severally but his words seem to fell on the stone like Meriba and Massa in the desert. Has your child ever asked you a question that makes you feel like fizzling out? How have you handled that? One of the mistakes parents make is trying to intimidate their children with questions they are unable to answer, without knowing that all unresolved puzzles no matter how many minute, never leaves a child’s mind until they are solved, either the right way or the wrong way. If you do not know how to answer, consult those who may be of help. Lying to a child is stealing their trust. It will come back to you pretty soon with severe consequences. One day a little girl asked her father, ‘Daddy, were you a liar when you were like me? His father was confused and changed his sitting location.
In our African environment it seems we are a bit very intolerant of children asking their parents some hard questions. Often you hear something like; ‘shut up your mouth, that question is too big for you’. Or ‘go and play’, ‘have you done all your assignments?’’ just to distract the child. Your child will go to another source to get the answers. Experts in area of children psychology advises that when your child asks you some hard question, do the following: Ask clarifying questions to understand exactly what your child is asking.
● Offer simple, straightforward answers.
● Be honest—it’s okay to admit you feel uncomfortable or don’t know exactly how to respond.
● Be available for follow-up. So this week if any of your children especially the very younger ones asks you a tough question, do not get annoyed or resentful but know that the child apart from seeking to know something new, may also had wanted to initiate a conversation with you as part of the family bonding. Take it coo.
