Maureen Alikor is a victim of rape and that awful act led her to setting up Demystify Abuse for Victims of Rape and other Sexual Abuses after her ugly experience. Alikor who is never shy of sharing her story speaks with ANTHONIA DURU on how she is lending her voice for other rape victims as well as ensuring they live above the stigma.
What motivated you to share your rape story considering the stigma in our society?
I have always hated the stigmatisation, I figured a victim’s life does not have to end just because they had been abused or raped, I knew their lives could be better and useful. So against the norm, I decided to share my story. With the aim of helping other victims heal and get on with their lives.
How did it happen?
On the 16th of November 2016, my door was forced open by armed robbers who immediately striped us of all our devices and valuables – myself and a friend. With a gun to our head, we were commanded to strip and we were raped at gun point ignoring our pleas. Few minutes later, mobile policemen and neighbours began to converge in their neighbourly pattern.
Fast forward to the next morning, neighbours and sympathisers converged yet again and started dishing out various kinds of words of encouragement and advices on what to do, ranging from taking my pants to prayer altars so as to lay curses on the culprits, to burying the panties, thereby burying their destinies, others said, to do this and do that. And of course, go to the hospital for check up against pregnancy, HIV and infection.
I listened intently, but a part of me desperately wanted to hear them make mention of the emotional and psychological remedies that a rape victim should undergo. But they were most concerned about the shame associated with the rape and with the properties stolen.
I knew better but I wanted to find out if our society is changing and becoming abreast with the changing times, I was disappointed. The most disturbing part of the range of advice coming my way was the part I have heard frequently, which is the part of not talking about it and not letting more third parties hear about it. Within me, I boiled angrily as the shocking truth of our insensitivity and gruesome backwardness still held our sense of reasoning.
Still we attach so much importance to the vagina thus we make rape and abuse victims shrink in fear and self-loathing just because they were raped. We still make it a time of shame for a victim who in her innocence was forced against her will and consent, while the rapists glory in their act just because we choose to say nothing.
We choose to cajole victims to be quiet and hide because in our words, ‘she has been raped or sexually abused thus shame should be her cloak and clothes’. Meanwhile shame ought to belong to the rapists and abusers.
People must have criticised you for sharing your story. How did you react to criticism?
I was criticised and I am still being criticised, but before sharing my story, I knew it would not go down well with everyone, but the number of people who needed to be healed were enough motivation for me not to heed criticism. I understood critics are part of what humans have to deal with in our daily human journey. My desire to make impact was and is still bigger than any level of criticism that may be thrown at me, so I did not let criticism stop my story which is also healing for me.
In what way are you helping rape victims?
I encourage them to talk about the experience more. I encourage them to see themselves as unique and whole even though society may have made them believe they have been damaged. I encourage them to seek medical attention and not to overlook it. I also try to help those who may need assistance through the whole period of medicals and even after. I encourage them to use their story to help others heal.
How can rape victims deal with stigmatisation?
They should pay no heed to stigmatisation. They should not let the society look upon them as damaged. Self decision is the key. They should decide to walk head held high in spite of whatever may have happened.
What has changed about you since the incidence and what are some of the lessons you have learnt since the ugly incidence?
I am a private person, but now I am not so private anymore. I have grown a thicker skin, of course against naysayers and dream killers. I have become more accommodating. I listen more to the needs of others. And for lessons, bad also happens to you when you did not invite it. There are so many people who need help, but they just need someone to listen to them and not judge them. I have also learnt that we need more voices to speak up against rape and sexual abuse and molestation. I have also learnt that our society needs to pay closer attention to developing the mind and also to respect individuals regardless of gender and position.
Were you ever prepared for this and what gave you the courage to speak out?
Is someone ever prepared for painful life experiences, I think not. That not withstanding, I was abused by an uncle when I was younger, and growing up wasn’t easy, but somewhere along the line I was able to grow through the hurt, the pain and the way I felt about myself. I am a sucker for knowledge and difference making, and also I learnt how to never see myself as a victim, no matter what, so I believe that is where a part of my courage came from. I am not a religious person, but I am unapologetically a Christian and a God chaser. He has lavished His love upon me and that has been a yardstick for the courage which I possess.
Is there any justification for rape?
There is no justification for rape, absolutely none. Not even indecent dressing as some people will argue. I am not in support of indecent dressing, but it is not a justification for rape. ‘No’ should be respected as No.
If a person is indecently dressed, that does not scream ‘I want to be raped’. I believe the mindset and the orientation we have about sex, respecting gender and mutual consent is faulty and that is the beginning of our problem. No one deserves to be raped, and I believe every rapist is psychologically imbalanced.
Can you tell us about yourself?
I am the first daughter in my family. I am an indigene of Rivers State, from Ikwerre Local Government, Isiokpo to be precise. I am a graduate of English Language and literature from the former Rivers State College of Education, now Ignatius Ajuru University of Education. I am a writer, a copywriter, a teacher and most of the good things I can be. I believe in love as the healer and saviour the world needs.
Do you have parental support in this advocacy?
Yes, my mother is in support. Initially she was not comfortable with me going public with my story, but along the line, after I explained my drive and motive to her, she gave her full support.
