In the past, marriage was seen as a sacred institution, a union between a mature man and woman who may have divergent views of life but deem it fit to live together as husband and wife due to love.
Marriage was highly revered as married couples were cherished and perceived to be responsible, in view of these, advice were sought from married people, which is no longer the case.
Community Bell interviewed religious leaders from different denominations to get their opinion on the reasons behind the rising rate of divorce in our society.
A Living Faith Church Zonal Cleric, Pastor Ilevbare Akhimie, blamed the increasing rate of divorce among Christians on faulty foundation. He advised church leaders to intensify counselling for intending couples, watch out for troubled marriages in order to give the right advice to reduce the divorce rate.
“God is the foundation of marriage, He is the one that ordained marriage by himself, so until man understands that every secret of good marriage lies in God, there will continue to be divorce.
“Several inexperienced marriage counsellors rely on their senses instead of the wisdom of God, marriage is a spiritual contract and wives should be submissive, while the husbands should emulate Jesus to love their wives. You need to learn wisdom to build your home. You must constantly read your Bible and other Christian books to build your home.
“Love is like fire and needs constant fuelling to keep it burning. Love has a tendency of going down if not nurtured daily. Love is like an engine lubricant in your car which must be checked and regularly monitored,’’ he said. The cleric counselled that effective communication, compliments, and efforts to bring out the best in each other was important for the survival of marriages.
Venerable Emmanuel Anyasodo of All Saints Anglican Church, Lagos advised couples to invest in love as it is the only way to have a happy married life. According to him, a lot of marriages have crashed and are crashing due to misplaced priorities by the couples. He explained that it was what a man sowed that he or she would reap, hence couples should sow love in order to reap in kind.
The cleric, quoting the book of Genesis chapter 2, verse 18, which says “It is not good for man to be alone, I will make him a help mate,” also urged wives to be submissive to their husbands and advised the husbands to love their wives in accordance with God’s directives. Wives should stop seeing their husbands as competitors, thinking they have equal rights in their marriages because this has led to wives’ refusal to submit to their husbands.
“The major causes of divorce are infidelity, lies and lack of commitment. It is disheartening that most married women today are not ready to submit to the authority of their husbands. A wife must desire, love, respect and admire her husband. By so doing, she will forget anything the man must have done to hurt her.
This will enable them live a happy life. But until both parties see themselves as one body and as belonging to one another, the issue of divorce will not stop.”
He however advised both parties in marriage to see their partners as gifts from God and be willing to make their marriages work by putting in the needed attention.
Prophet Edwin Oyejiuba of Cherubim and Seraphim Movement Surulere urged husbands not to abandon their marital responsibilities to their wives in their matrimonial home. He said that men should live up to their responsibilities as the head of the home.
“Men are supposed to see their wives as help meet, and this means she will fill the gap where there is need for it and not leaving your responsibilities to her.
The aim of marriage is companionship, which must be a lifelong experience. The major reason for marriage is to find a partner whom one can spend the rest of his or her life with,’’ he said.
Dr. Celine Njoku, a Marriage Counsellor at Holy Family Catholic Church, Festac Town advised couples to be patient and tolerate one another to avoid divorce. Njoku, a Counselling Psychologist said that most couples did not know what marriage was all about before venturing into it. “We are getting everything wrong. Divorce should not be in the agenda for us as Christians.
“We should be able to tolerate each other in order to overcome anger. In the beginning, God saw all these things and said for better or worse. Some people have spent 60 years in marriage. Are they superhuman? They are not. They also passed through all these challenges. Marriage is sweet, at the same time bitter but in the end you come out glorified,’’ she said.
