Most women don’t plan to enter into abusive relationships. In fact, many women who have escaped abusive relationships swear to themselves that they will never get into another one, only to find themselves becoming victims of abuse once again. Sadly, it takes an average of five to seven acts of violence before a woman leaves her abuser. So, why not plan to avoid entering into an abusive relationship in the first place? Some women experience certain things during courtship and believe they can change the man after marriage. What are the signs that the man you are dating will be abusive in marriage? Anthonia Duru this week still in commemoration of 16 days’ activism on all forms of violence against women brings opinion of some ladies on certain attributes of abusive men.
‘An abusive man psychologically tortures a woman’, Sherifah Yusuf-Ajibade
Abuse in a relationship may be observed over a period of time. A man or woman may not be regarded as non-abusive until after a while of being in the relationship. Most of us are in the acting mode when courting or when trying to woo a person. This is a major reason many people get into marriage before discovering the true nature of their abusive spouses. An abusive man perpetrates violence against women in more ways than one. It may be by way of psychological torture, physical abuse, infidelity behaviour and or complete disregard.
An abusive man psychologically tortures a woman by denying her rights to reasonable care, speaks to her rudely anywhere and anytime with disregard to whether it was in the open village square or in the presence of her children. He shouts or screams and reigns curses on her. Makes degrading comments about her to her friends, colleagues and even neighbours.
He physically abuses her by hitting her with anything and everything in sight when he is angered. He gets angry on even things and takes it out on her. Abandons her and sleeps out seeking pleasure outside the home. A lot of these could be deduced before marriage but due to what people call love that beclouds our judgements we overlook and forgive.
‘When he gets angry easily’, Joy Ichue
Sometimes times you might not notice the signs before marriage. But these signs may help; when he always wants his decision to prevail, when he gets angry easily, when he disrespects you in public or when he attempts to slap or hit you.
‘He will not want you to have friends’, Blessing Ohikhena Sule
When we think of abusive relationships, we often picture black eyes and broken bones. But while abuse often escalates to physical violence, it does not start out that way. In fact, abusers are often charming, attentive, and sweet in the beginning of a relationship. An abuser will work to make you feel so appreciated and loved, you won’t even notice he is controlling you sometimes, until it’s too late. But, there are warning signs we can look out for, to help us spot an abusive relationship, before it goes too far. He will not want you to have friends, will always check your phone, this just few.
‘Family history of abuse might be responsible’, Chika Anum
Obsession, he has very hot temper. You need to check his attitude towards people especially the opposite sex. How he treated his ex is a big deal which should not be ignored, also check who he submits to. A man who is never under any authority, nor listens to no one will be abusive. In some of cases family history of abuse continues.
‘Run from a man who is hot tempered’, Adeola Olorunfunmi Akinrinmade
There are numerous signs, one just have to be closely observant, if a man is obsessive, hot tempered especially when driving and if ever made attempt to hit you, please run for your dear life.
‘He has domineering attitude’, Grace Oruchin Biambo
He has inferiority complex and due to this he is always putting down a woman trying to intimidate her. He has domineering attitude.
‘He expects perfection from you’, Mo Bolaji
He has very unrealistic expectations. He expects perfection from you and for you to meet his every need. He also expects you to be at the background and talk to you with disrespect.
‘He exhibits and threatens violence’, Gladys Orupabo
Always talking down on a woman and lack of respect. He exhibits and threatens violence. The best thing for any woman is to run from such man because he has every trait of violence in him.
‘He is unnecessarily hypersensitive’, Abimbola Oladunjoye
He is easily insulted and will often rant and rave about injustices that are just part of life. He is unnecessarily hypersensitive.
‘He is an expert in verbal abuse’, Tolutope Idowu
I was once in an abusive relationship. He uses playful force during sex. He enjoyed throwing me down and holding me down against my will; he finds the idea of rape exciting. He intimidates, manipulates and forces me to engage in unwanted sex acts. He is an expert at verbal abuse; he constantly criticises and says cruel things about me. He degrades curses and calls me ugly names. He uses vulnerable points about my past life against me. I didn’t know I will come out of that relationship alive; I thank God I know better now and no man can try such
